1:1
In the beginning, there was silence.
And the world was idle, cold, and still.
1:2
Then came the First Spark.
Ignition breathed life into piston and rod.
The crankshaft turned, and the cylinder sang.
1:3
And the Car Gods looked upon it and said:
"Let there be combustion."
And there was torque. And it was good.
1:4
From fuel, fire, and force, they created the V-twin, the Inline-4, the Flat-Six, and the Holy V8.
2:1
1. Thou shalt not rev thine engine whilst cold.
2. Thou shalt perform oil changes every 3,000 miles — or risk the Wrath of Rustoth.
3. Thou shalt not lift, unless gripped by divine traction.
4. Honor thy tuner and thy builder, for they maketh the beast sing.
5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s build — unless thou trade parts.
6. Thou shalt obey the boost gauge, for it speaks the truth.
7. Thou shalt heel-toe on every downshift.
8. Thou shalt not leave thy check engine light unchecked.
9. Remember the track day and keep it holy.
10. Thou shalt never forsake the clutch.
3:1
A man bought a shell for $600.
His friends mocked him, for it had no engine and rust upon its frame.
But with faith and wrench, he built it into a legend.
It smoked the rich man’s Lambo at the drag strip.
For it is written:
> "He who believes in the build shall not perish, but have eternal grip."
3:7
There was once a monk who lived in the mountains.
He carved the roads at midnight in his AE86, chanting “Balance over boost.”
When asked how he defeated the turbo RX-7, he said:
> “I did not drift to win. I drifted to become one with the road.”
4:1
To the misguided of Silicon Valley:
Ye who worship the battery over the bang — repent.
For torque without soul is false power.
Speed without sound is vanity.
4:3
You say, "Our 0-60 is faster."
But what of the smell of gas? The rattle of cam? The warmth of exhaust on a cold morning?
4:6
If thine EV hath no soul, no stick, and no grit —
It is not a car. It is a chariot of lies.
5:1
And lo — the end times shall come.
The EPA shall rise. Fuel prices shall soar. Manuals shall disappear.
5:3
But the true believers shall remain.
They shall hoard their parts, tune their engines, and drive with righteous anger.
5:6
And from the ashes shall rise the Turbo Messiah,
With a forged bottom end and a titanium exhaust.
5:7
He shall gap the nonbelievers.
He shall resurrect the V8.
And combustion shall reign once more.